----------------------------------------------------------- ETS Survival News Equipped To Survive Issue 1, Volume 4 March 32, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------- *********************************************************** ETS Survival News is an irregularly published compendium of news related to survival, survival gear and search and rescue. Published with support from the Equipped To Survive Foundation. Please visit us at: http://www.equipped.org *********************************************************** ETS & DISCOVERY ANNOUNCE NEW CABLE CHANNEL In a bid to bring the message of preparedness to a wider audience, Doug Ritter and the Equipped to Survive Foundation have teamed up with the Discovery Channel to launch ETS-TV, a 24-hour channel devoted to emergency preparedness. The new channel will debut in the fall of 2006. Building on the success of the many Discovery Channel offerings dealing with real life survival stories and survival themes, these shows are devoted to making survival and emergency preparedness both exciting and a learning experience. Advertising revenues will be split equally between Discovery Channel and Equipped To Survive. Shows currently in development include: Wings Become Adventure: This aviation oriented survival show is designed to demonstrate after-the-crash survival and use of scavenged parts from the aircraft. Aircraft manufacturer Cirrus has signed on as the primary sponsor. Various model aircraft, singles and twins, will be run out of fuel (to prevent forest fires) and will be crashed into the wilderness using remote control pilots (retired U.S. Army Predator UAV pilots). At least two Cirrus aircraft will be used, their arrival being via their unique built-in CAPS parachute, and they are expected to arrive on site in one piece save for a missing door, perhaps. One major mid- west aircraft manufacturer has threatened to file a suit to stop the show, but producers say they are prepared to fight them in court, "It's not like these things don't fall out of the sky on a regular basis," the spokesperson remarked. Participants will be helicoptered into the site for their week long stay. Injuries will be simulated by binding arms, hands and legs according to a drawing made on site so that the survivors are appropriately handicapped, though they will also have to option to receive a $25,000 bonus and have the actual limbs or appendages broken for greater realism. It is expected that about half of the participants will take advantage of this option. Cirrus participants will not be required to have any such handicaps, unless they really want the $25,000. Daily votes will be conducted by viewers to remove participants who are getting on their nerves. A grand prize of $1,000,000 will be offered with weekly prizes of $50,000. Survivor - New Orleans: Competitors will spend a month trying to survive in the remains of the Super Dome in New Orleans. Contestants will all be selected from actual Katrina refugees. New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has welcomed the show, saying that it will tell the real story of his extraordinarily effective emergency preparedness efforts that he oversaw in the real cataclysmic emergency. Nobody on the show's development staff has succeeded in penetrating the Mayor's delusional state of mind and they figure it will make for great TV when he shows up at the Super Dome during the taping. Participants will be well armed for their own protection and, well, it might get very interesting. Pimp My Keychain: Contestants try to make the perfect EDC (Every Day Carry) Survival Keychain in 30 minutes from a vast selection of possibilities provided by sponsoring companies including Home Depot, Sportsman's Warehouse and others. Weight will be limited to 32 ounces and it must fit in a standard blue jeans pocket. Weekly cash prizes of $25,000 will be offered and the grand prize is $2,000,000 and a free trip to the deserted island of your choice with six of your closest friends and nothing but the winning survival keychain with which to survive. Iron Chef Survivor: Produced in cooperation with The Food Network, this Iron Chef Arena will be located in a variety of remote locations. The contestants will be provided with the main meal ingredient and some basic cooking utensils, but must provide all the rest of the meal themselves from the natural environment. There are no stoves, they will have to gather their own firewood and make their own cook fires. The meal will be judged 50% on taste, 25% on their use of natural ingredients and 25% on their cooking and fire making techniques. Judges include celebrity chef Alton Brown, Joy of Cooking author and noted survival knife designer Ethan Becker, the perky princess of the Food Network, Rachael Ray and select survival instructors from around the world. McGyver 2006: Richard Dean Anderson, in an updated version of his youthful role, stops terrorist attacks, rescues maidens in distress and generally saves the world on a weekly basis using Geritol, Preparation-H, toe-nail and nose hair clippers and his AARP card, among other improvised tools. Initial episode titled: "Depends." Survivorball: Les Stroud and the American women's beach volleyball team attempt to spend a week in various remote locales surviving with nothing but camera equipment, a ball, and a net. SURVIVAL SKILLS TECH SUPPORT LAUNCHED Proocom, a leading supplier of equipment, technology and support in the Location and Emergency Services industry has announced a new service being offered via their emergency call centers. With a subscription of only $10 per year, or $100/minute without a subscription, anyone will be able to call toll-free via cellular phone, satellite phone or Proocom's new integrated Satellite Phone, GPS 406 MHz Personal Locator Beacon from anywhere in the world and receive answers to their survival questions from knowledgeable individuals who are all former U.S. Air Force Survival Instructors or Special Forces members. Scottie Morgonie, executive vice president of the new Life Support Division, explained that this new service should allow those in dire circumstances to survive long enough to be rescued, even those who are too cheap or too stupid to carry any survival equipment. Operators will be able to instruct survivors in making shelter, starting a fire with primitive materials and how to signal for rescue. Said Morgonie, "these guys can survive, and indeed thrive, if stranded naked in the wilderness, so helping out the survivors who call us will be a piece of cake for them." More information and subscription application can be found at www.savemyreallysorryass.com ETS FORMS NEW STRATEGIC PARTNERSHIP As part of ongoing efforts to raise everyday awareness of emergency preparedness, Dour Ritter and the Equipped to Survive Advanced Projects Research Laboratory are proud to announce a strategic partnership with Victoria's Secret, a leading maker of women's intimate apparel. As part of the new "Put on Preparation First!" campaign, Ritter has worked very closely with Victoria's Secret designers and models in developing dual-use everyday garments that can enhance the chances that a woman (or a very adventurous man) has in a survival situation. A portion of all sales will go to support the Equipped To Survive Foundation. Some of the products you can expect to see in the coming year are: The Wonder Filter and Purifier Bra: A brassiere that incorporates padded water filter and purifier elements in the cups. The left cup is designed as a macro-filter, straining out large contaminants such as organic materials, debris and sediment. The right cup is a .01 micron, silver- impregnated filter and purifier that removes 99.99999999999% of harmful bacteria, cysts and protozoa, such as salmonella, cholera, E.coli, Cryptosporidium and Giardia and kills 99.9999999997% of all know viruses. The gravity-fed filters can strain up to 3 liters per day. The Camelfront: A brassiere that is the logical next step for the now famous Water Bra, this creation allows the user to both enhance her figure while carrying a two liter emergency supply of water. A Camelfront Pam Anderson version, with double the water capacity, is under development for use in desert survival situations. The Camelfront Bra incorporates a built in hose and bite valve that is specifically designed to feed equally from both water reservoirs at the same time, in order to maintain symmetry. Plans to provide an anatomically correct bite valve were shelved after it was discovered that it resulted in hyponatremia (water intoxication) as a result of excessive water intake by male testers. Both new bras will be offered in the normal range of sizes from A to DD and a variety of designer colors as well as Olive Drab for the military and the U.S. Marine digital camouflage exclusively for the Marines. The WonderSling Thong: This undergarment is constructed out of a high-stretch synthetic-fiber specially developed for the project by Monsanto and made from 100% recycled materials. This extraordinary fiber, plus the special hidden pocket allow the thong to double as a slingshot. Several ETS researchers have brought down squirrels and other small game with only minimal instruction and a pebble It can also be used as a tourniquet, a sling for injured arms, and as a method of tying together branches for a shelter. It will be available for both male and females, with appropriate anatomically necessary differences in the hidden pocket. Color offering will be the same as for the bras. All of these new undergarments are machine washable. The Emergency Space Chemise: Designed in conjunction with the developers of the Adventure Medical Kits new Polyethylene Heatsheet, this sexy fashion forward chemise is made from the same super-thin polyethylene material. The garment is reversible, with a mirror-reflective silver side that will reflect back 98% of your body heat and a high- visibility side in a variety of bright colors such as orange, purple, red and blue. Illustrated survival and first aid instructions authored by Doug Ritter are printed in black on the colored side. For normal wear the chemise is worn with the reflective side out, presenting a shimmering metallic look which is hot, hot, hot this season. Fishnet Survival Stockings: Finally, fishnet stockings that can actually be used for fishing. Constructed of super strong Spectra line, these have proven very effective in field exercises. ETS testers using these in the streams of Northern Arizona have taken record trout. An attempt to develop parachute cord net stockings to allow a wearer to carry over 75 feet of paracord per leg has not yet proven successful as excessive chafing has proved to be a problem. BLACKFEATHER AND SWITLUCK INFLATE SNOWSHOE SALES BlackFeather Snowshoe Company introduced their unique SurvivaSnoShu snow shoes, developed in cooperation with the Switluk Parachute Company. While few will argue that having a pair of snow shoes is a huge advantage in deep snow, carrying a pair of bulky and relatively heavy snow shoes around in your pack or aircraft in case they are needed in an unexpected emergency is not common. The new SurvivaSnoShu weighs less than 6 ounces a pair and are vacuum-packed into a 3 x 3 x 1-inch package. To use, a lanyard is pulled and the snow show inflates using an attached CO2 cartridge. The technology was developed by Switluk, one of the country's oldest and best known manufacturers of inflatable survival equipment. The Micro-CO2 cartridge is just 2 inches long and less than a 1/2 inch in diameter and is pressurized at 10,000 psi. These cartridges are made in Russia especially for Switluk from the hulls of decommissioned Russian submarines, making them relatively affordable. The inflated SurviaSnoShu is large enough to support up to a 350 lb. person. Unlike many inflatable structures such as life rafts and life vests which are low pressure designs, the SurvivaSnoShu is inflated to 20 PSI, making for a very rigid structure. This is made possible only through the use of a Kevlar/Spectra reinforced silicone/nylon material that was originally developed for lightweight bullet proof clothing used by the Secret Service to protect our nation's leaders. The only down side is the cost, nearly $5,000 per yard, making for a fairly expensive product as a pair of shoes requires about a yard and a half of material. Bindings are made of special conformal tripolynylon material that will conform to almost any shoe or boot. There is no stitching, all the seams are ultrasonically welded. BlackFeather expects retail pricing for the SurvivaSnoShu to be in the $15,000 range and predicts sales of thousands of units the first year. ETS REVIEWS NEW FEMA SURVIVAL KIT In response to all of the recent disasters, and suggestions that they don't know their butt from a hole in the ground and couldn't manage their way out of a paper bag, the Federal Emergency MisManagement Agency (FEMA) assembled experts from over 1,100 government agencies and non- governmental organizations to develop a complete survival kit for every day carry by the average citizen, thereby allowing them to handle any disaster until the seriously delayed help from FEMA arrives. Equipped to Survive obtained a pre-production sample and gave it thorough going over. We were left a bit less than impressed. They say the kit is complete, but we couldn't find their definition of complete in our dictionary. The kit must be ordered from FEMA at least a year in advance of the calamity you are planning for, and then it will only arrive three weeks after the calamity. Pre-positioning issues are apparently the problem, according to the FEMA spokesperson. The 6,000 pound kit comes pre-packaged in a 16-foot trailer, which made us question the every-day carry label. It does come with several trailer hitch configurations, but the user is expected to provide their own hitch equipped vehicle to tow it with. A 1-ton pickup truck with a large V-8 or V-10 is recommended, but a 3/4-ton will suffice. Don't even think of trying to use a car or light pickup. When you open Volume One of the Instruction Manual (there are 23 Volumes, with instructions in 74 different languages including Basque and Urdu), the list of items included in the kit is dizzying. It even has equipment for mine emergencies as recommended by the Mine Safety Administration (oxygen canisters, tunnel boring equipment). You will need to take out the MPFMS (Multi-purpose Fresnel Magnifying System) to read the lists, as the type is very small. After you review the listed items to make sure your kit is complete, we recommend you ditch Volume One. We tried to use it as tinder, but it seems that the pages have been treated to make it fire-resistant on the advice of the National Safety Council and the Forest Service. The first thing Volume Two says to do in a disaster situation is obtain shelter. An excellent recommendation, and the kit offers three solutions: First is a 15 page form to obtain a FEMA trailer. This is not recommended, as we have been waiting 12 weeks already for our trailer. The second option are copies of all the AAA travel guides for the U.S. and instructions on how to obtain FEMA paid housing, a 64-page application form (with 130 pages of instructions) and a FedEx box with pre-paid shipping. This is also not recommended as we have yet to hear back from FEMA on our application and calling the toll-free number to check on it only results in recordings that say their operators are busy and to call back next year. The third option is to construct the TMDU, or Temporary Modular Dwelling Unit. Remove the building components (they are on the first two pallets after the Instruction Manuals. A fork-lift is recommended, but not provided) and follow the 110 pages of instructions (the first 98 of which are cautionary warnings). The shelter must be built sitting on the ground, as the Department of Justice mandated it comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act and an elevator is not provided. This could be a problem when shelter from flooding is needed. After you finish building the shelter, the instructions indicate that you must hire a licensed plumber and electrician to complete the work. Hardly practical in a survival situation, thought the Manual does include regional lists of contact numbers (they appear to be pages copied from local yellow pages directories) and a complete set of Davis-Bacon Wage Act compliance forms. Make sure to use the blue ink required, but be advised that only pens with black ink are supplied, all 24 boxes worth. After shelter, the Instruction Manual (Volume 3-7) concentrates on providing survivors with warmth. However, we were distressed to find that nothing was included on how to make fire nor any dedicated firemaking materials included in the kit. According to FEMA, the National Fire Protection Association objected to any use of open flame or inclusion of flammable materials. Instead, when warmth is required the Manuals focus on things like the pleasure of fleece, group hugs, and how to get a bus ticket to Miami. We see this is a major deficiency. Volumes 8-17 of the Instruction Manual covers First Aid, but these seem to be little more than photocopies of Gray's Anatomy with a student's hand-written notes in the margins. Private parts have been censored with black blocks. Their primary recommendation is to call 911 for medical assistance and an old-fashioned plug-in phone is provided. We're thinking they forgot something here. Volume 18 covers hydration. They say that trying to purify water on your own is dangerous and should not be undertaken, according to the FDA and EPA. Boiling contributes to greenhouse gases and ozone depletion, and chemical means could harm certain slugs in Madagascar. Plus, the Manual says that no one (at least, no one the creators know) would ever go to a party where "bootleg" water was served. Instead, the kit includes 14 cases of bottled dehydrated water to save weight, dehydrated lemons for use as an antidote to the stale taste of long stored dehydrated water, and instructions on how to ask for more water from the rescue helicopters flying overhead. By this point we're beginning to wonder if anyone at FEMA has actually tried to drink dehydrated water and whether they think survivors will find this humorous or if they are just idiots that have just been bamboozled by their suppliers. The FEMA spokesperson assured us it is the highest quality dehydrated water available and they pay a high premium for it. She did admit that in their internal tasting the dehydrated water did seem to taste a bit dry. So, we suppose, the answer is as expected, they are idiots. Volume 19 talks about survival in extreme conditions, such as a nuclear attack, meteor strike, or getting caught at a Cheap Trick reunion concert. We reviewed the instructions, and found that several of them were anatomically problematic, if not impossible. Older males especially will not have the flexibility required and we don't believe the yoga instructions provided to improve flexibility will be much help given the expected available time to complete the procedures. Volume 20 of the Instruction Manual covers food and how to open the 16 crates of MREs provided. It also includes long chapters on how to find food in certain areas; but here again, these are just lots of pages copied out of AAA travel guides. We were glad to know that the coffee shop at the Motel 6 in Alton, Georgia, did rate a knife and fork, plus two stars. Volume 21, which covers signaling and communication, was less than useless. Bring a cell phone, was it, though it took them 40 pages to get to that. The included entertainment module includes a DVD player, a pallet of alkaline AA-cell batteries, and the complete SONY movie library, and is a nice touch for keeping survivors occupied while FEMA fiddles. Volume 22 and 23 were the index for the Instruction Manual. Just the index. In conclusion, we are worried about the size of the kit, and on its being there when you need it. For example, putting you and the full kit on the one-person life raft included is a head-scratcher of the first order. Ditto carrying it while traveling by air. Unless you have the requisite truck with a trailer hitch, carrying it anywhere seems difficult. The FEMA personnel we talked to insisted that the included items were the minimum necessary in emergency situations, and that they would not recommend adding or removing anything from the kit. They did say that they were experimenting with vacuum packing the entire kit in an attempt to reduce the bulk so that it would fit in a 14-foot trailer, which would be, according to the spokesperson, "more pocketable." When asked why a knife was not included, they said that the MREs all came with little plastic spoons, and the Children's Defense Fund was concerned about the safety of small children. When asked about the possibility of including a condom, even for water storage, FEMA flatly refused to comment. CANDYMAKER DEMANDING ETS MEMBERS STOP USING THEIR TINS In an unexpected move, Altoids, the international maker of the curiously strong candy mint, is threatening Equipped To Survive Survival Forum members with legal action for using Altoids tins as survival kit containers. Taking the recent actions of the recording industry as an example, where individuals were sued by the RIAA for swapping music files, Altoids said that swapping the contents of their unique metal tin - mints - for so much "outdoor twaddle" amounted to a breach of contract. "The tin says Altoids on it," said a company VP during his tea break, "not bandages, flints, and fishing line." To keep good relations with the candy maker and to protect its patrons, Equipped to Survive has entered into a partnership with Apple Computer to create iTins, an online store where ETS members who wish to create an Altoids tin survival kit can obtain an empty Altoids tin to use without repercussions. The special iTins Altoids tins do not include any contents information, so there will be no conflict. New standard size tins can be obtained for only 99 cents each. Smaller sized Altoids tins, such as those for the breath strips and chewing gum, will sell for 55 cents each. A portion of the sales price will be contributed to the Equipped To Survive Foundation. Talks are also under way with the Kiwi shoe polish company and several tobacco companies to include their tins. The iTins web site should be up and running by March 32, 2007. NEW LIMITED EDITION RSK MKI TO BE PRODUCED Following on the success of the Doug Ritter M2 Steel Limited Edition RSK MkI, another limited edition version will be available in late Fall of 2006. Moving away from conventional materials, the new Limited Edition RSK MkI BOB will have a handmade blade of black obsidian. The blades for this extraordinary collector's item are each slightly different being one-of-a-kind productions hand flintknapped by certified native Americans hired by Benchmade through a special government program to bring native American jobs home from China. Each obsidian blade is laser marked, numbered and signed on the reverse side by the blade craftsman. The holes for both the ambidextrous thumb stud and the pivot are laser drilled through the stone as conventional drilling proved to be too much for the fragile material. After drilling, the pivot area is precision ground flat and parallel on both sides using a diamond paste slurry and special Teflon bushings are installed. A flat face the diameter of the thumb studs is ground on both sides so the thumb studs seat properly on special neoprene washers. Obsidian edges are so sharp that they are still used for scalpels in delicate operations. These knives come with a pair of Kevlar gloves to protect the user from cuts, leather doesn't even faze these edges, it will slice through them like a hot knife through butter. The blade is relatively fragile and while suitable for actual field use, there is no guarantee against breakage. Only 50 of these special knives will be made and they are priced at $559. A photo of the prototype can be found at www.equipped.org/RSKMk1-BOB.htm and expect an announcement about pre-orders soon. All profits will go to support the Equipped To Survive Foundation. NEW CHANGES TO THE ETS SURVIVAL FORUM As frequent readers of the ETS Survival Forum are aware, we have recently been making improvements to the Forum. We have added several new sub-forums and new moderators, and more improvements are on the way. These include several more sub-forums, including Around the Watercooler, a forum for office survival; and Show Me Your Bomb, a forum for dealing with travel preparedness in this era of the TSA (Terminally Stupid Administration). Another ETS Survival Forum item in development is the "Chris Kavanaugh Cool Response Generator." Many readers know Chris Kavanaugh as the Survival Forum Administrator, and for having the wittiest and most incisive posts on the Forum. Chris has had experiences that many of us can only dream of, and many posters are rather intimidated by his wise, if not oftentimes obtuse, worldliness. But now, with the Chris Kavanaugh Cool Response Generator, a poster can turn a simple response into a pithy, witty, repartee that everyone will want to read. For example, if you enter "I think that's right" into the Generator and click on the WWCS? button (What Would Chris Say?) - PRESTO! - your response becomes "That's what we would do when I was in the (insert Armed Forces branch of your choice). But no matter what, I'll take my trusty .303 any day!" Initial beta testing will be done by select Forum members prior to general release expected this Summer. _______________________________________ ETS Survival News is copyrighted and may not be reproduced without permission. Permission is granted to share this newsletter in its entirety with friends and associates via email or it can be found on the Web at . ETS Survival News is published irregularly when we damn well feel like it, most often on March 32nd. We welcome submittal of news items, but reserve the right to disregard most anything we don't feel like publishing. Letters to the editor are generally ignored unless they are complimentary. Today's issue was written by Clifford Grout and Doug Ritter and edited by Doug Ritter, just so you know whom to blame. We hope you have enjoyed this attempt at some April Fools humor. If we have inadvertently offended anyone, well, you really need to get a life. "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." - Mark Twain If you enjoyed this newsletter, prior issues of ETS Survival News can be found at . _______________________________________ Copyright (c) 2006 Equipped To Survive Foundation All rights reserved - www.equipped.org